Little Things We Take For Granted - Like Grief and Selfishness

 

I turn my phone's ringer off at night. I figure if anyone calls me early, it's not going to be good news, and there is little I can do about any bad news except listen.

Today was one of those bad news days. There was a missed call from a neighbor. I called back and there was no answer. They called back an hour or so later, and told me another neighbor, who is my closest neighbor as a friend was taken away by ambulance this morning. It was their understanding from what they heard and thought they saw, that my friend/neighbor passed.

Can you say, sledge hammer? That's how it felt. I knew this neighbors health was not the greatest, they were having some serious issues, but I spoke with them two nights earlier and they looked healthier than they had in a long while.

My first thought was what do I do? What in 2026 do we do when we get news like this? I went outside, and the neighbor in question's house had the front room curtains closed, no lights on, and their car in the driveway.

As I went over possibilities. This is what I decided. My neighbor really did pass because the house is closed up, and no one is home. The widowed spouse has family in town, so the spouse is with family somewhere in town, in mourning. I have no idea what to do....

By late afternoon, I decided sending a text message to my friend was the best I could do an unobtrusive way to get involved. 

I worded it as carefully as I could in the moment. ...I heard there was an ambulance at your house this morning. That is not good news. If you need anything, a ride, help with your flowers, your pets, or a ride, please let me know....I did not expect a quick answer.

Within a few minutes, I received a text reply from my friend/neighbor telling me they were okay. They had a problem recurrence and decided the best thing to do was an ambulance ride to the hospital. They were released in the afternoon, and are at home on bed rest.

How do you spell relief? I spell it with that reply text!

At my age, and a male, real friends are few and far between. I always felt honored by having this person so close to me in the neighborhood. We trade comments on cats and other animals, and talk about those things only old people find interesting.

Before the reply text, I was worried about the spouse, the probable future sale of their house, and how to pay proper respect to my friend and his spouse in the passing.

I also selfishly felt sad for myself. One less friend to share minor parts of my life with. It was feeling like a gap that was only going to get wider had happened. Another one bites the dust...

Going forward, I know now, our time is limited. But even though the conversations won't change, I believe we both will have them with a little more after thought reverence, if you know what I mean. We have both lived long enough that tomorrow is no guarantee.

It is so odd, years ago, there was no doubt how things were done in this and other serious situations. Today, it is not as clear what to do and how to do it.

Forgotten Stress and Pain Release

I was watching a Documentary the other evening. I think it was called, "Heal". It was interesting, but nothing new, until they started talking about releasing hidden, forgotten and ignored pain and stress that went all the way back to childhood.

The idea is forgotten stressors act upon our body chemistry, causing autoimmune issues and certain types of disease because our body's healthy chemical balance has been suppressed for many years and less than stellar chemicals are roaming around in their place wreaking havoc on our well being.

This sounded like it was coming from Carney Row at the County Fair. I understand being stressed, but wasn't too sure I bought into the chemical imbalance that unrelieved stress brings about. Except they had a number of people including at least one person with stage four cancer who swore it is true, because they all reversed their illnesses through releasing hidden pain and stress.

The thought of buried, hidden stress release was a new idea to me. One of the experts in the Documentary said in his opinion there, 'is no one size fits all cure or fix'. Yoga and meditation in the morning may work for you, seeing a therapist for emotional issues may work better for me, as I understood his opinion.

The Documentary moved on to a Woman who was working with a practitioner who used EFT. EFT is interesting because it involves physical action to distract our brain. We repeat an EFT Practitioner's verbal suggestions while being physically distracted with tapping or rubbing or both.

At least that is my limited understanding from the documentary and one small EFT book I read some years ago. EFT is effective because it is a kind of distraction meditation. Spoken suggestions are put on a direct path to the brain because the subject is distracted with the physical distractions being induced by the EFT Practitioner.

In the Documentary, the EFT Practitioner was doing her thing, tapping away, and telling the patient to recall a painful moment, and at each memory recall, repeat the phrase, "I love you then", or something similar. Later in the show, the Woman claims her hidden pain and stress was eventually all gone (released), and her very serious health ailments had disappeared.

I like everyone else have long term and buried or forgotten pain and stressors hidden away in my brain. I decided because I meditate often, I would skip the EFT part and go with the, "I love you then" for the known stressors I could remember. I wasn't expecting a lot, because it seemed too simple. I am skeptical. I want proof.

I started with my biggest stress, 'White Coat Syndrome', and all the memories that keep it fresh and make me want to run, not walk out of Doctor and Dentist offices. The earliest memory I could recall was being six or seven years old sitting in a Dentist chair.

I was going to receive a shot of Novocaine for a drill and fill for a bad tooth. The Dentist who I suspected in later years was a drunk, put the glass Novocaine vial in the needle and moved it towards my mouth. It slipped and fell to the floor and broke.

He picked up the broken glass vial pieces and the now useless needle. He said, "This is your fault, you little shit", and stabbed the knuckles of my right hand with a piece of the broken Novocaine vial glass leaving me with a lifelong scar. Upon recalling this memory I said, "I love you then".

(The Dentist came up with a believable story he told my Mother afterward that was not questioned, of course as he was the Dentist - authority figure)

Now I am remembering other bad dental and medical memories that made their long forgotten presence known, followed with my repeated, "I love you then" comments. Time disappeared replaced with, "I love you then" comments flowing through my mind at each remembered memory.

I realized something changed after a (unknown period of) time. The voice saying, "I love you then", was not my voice. It was coming from somewhere else, and the memories of painful and stressful times of my life arrived without any prompting. I was now a watching, hearing observer of those times in my life that stressed me out or caused pain, of which I had long ago forgotten about.

When I 'awoke' some time later, I knew I still wasn't through with the memory recall and the, "I love you then", comments. Amazingly, I felt like one-hundred pounds of just below skin level stress had left me! I felt so relaxed, I thought if I were to take my blood pressure, I would probably be concerned because it would be so low.

If you are used to meditating, you may be able to duplicate the results I did without any EFT stimulus. If you do not meditate, you may want to read up on EFT, and pick a few EFT movements that feel right for you as you try out the process. Better yet, find an EFT trained person to work with you.

I do not know what exactly happened during my experience, or if my body's chemical structure has started to change, but something good definitely took place. I felt so at peace and relaxed, it felt abnormal in the moment.

Twenty-four or so hours later, it feels a little hokey writing this. I still feel very calm and at peace with the world. Something definitely changed from the time I decided to try this process to the time I stopped. I will be doing this again, perhaps many times, until I feel there is no more hidden stress and pain to release. I highly recommend you try this process. I am still skeptical about the process. I am looking forward to some months in the future to see what lasting changes have taken place.