Empathy, Integrity, Real Life

 

I couldn't sleep tonight, too much coffee while I was out and about today. I did one of those rare things, I went to a few poker forums to see what if anything has changed. They are about the same as they were when I was active on one of the poker forums.

One interesting header caught my attention, it was a thread about empathy and poker. The poster was going through the problem of playing poker with people who he inwardly felt sorry for because he understood or felt what they were feeling.

I resembled that remark early in my poker playing days. It was back when limit poker was king, and there was no no-limit poker to be found that an average person could afford to play.

I think I had recently made the transition to Holdem as I realized that I could make as much money winning one nice pot in Holdem as I could beating my head against the wall playing Seven Card Stud. Those were heady days.

There was a rather old couple who played the about the same time I played, and often we would be at the same table. Besides the fact they made poor decisions, they flashed their cards by holding them up in the air. They should not have been playing for money.

The preferred to sit near the middle of the table which meant at least four of the players at the table could see their cards every hand. I told them a few times what they were doing, but it had no lasting effect. I arrived at a point when I would fold my cards if I saw their hands in my sense of fair play.

Other players at the table did not share my skewed sense of ethics. While they would not lean back and look at the old couples cards, they were not above taking their money when they saw their respective hands waving in the air and knew they were ahead.

After some weeks of my high and mighty stand, the light bulb turned on. The old couple lost every time they played. They knew they were going to lose their money before they even sat down at the table. The other players at the table took their money and used it against me, betting and raising when they normally would check it down. It was not their money they were betting in the strictest sense of the word.

This was keeping my play in a defensive mode. I had my meager stacks of chips and most of the other players had their chips plus some of the old couples chips. I determined in the moment, that if the old couple wanted to play, they were playing knowing they were going to lose. Just because I did not want to take their money did not mean they were not going home broke.

In less than five minutes I changed the way I played against the old couple. I too was not craning my head to see their hands, but neither was I looking away. I had warned them several times previously, and they were aware of what they were doing.

Of course my win rate increased. On the bright side, the other players willingness to bully me also decreased for the simple reason their win rate had dropped and mine went up.

I still have some empathy and sympathy when I play though. When I know someone is playing with money they really should not be playing with, I do not feel bad taking their money because I know they would be happily taking mine if they could. I feel bad for them when the shock they feel at going broke to standing up and walking away sets in. That is usually about seven seconds.

Gambling in some ways is the last great democracy. No one forces anyone to the table, makes them buy chips, or tells them they have to play. If they did not lose their money at say, the poker table they would lose it somewhere else. Perhaps poker is the healthiest option for them about where to spend their money.

Personal decisions do not always fly the banners of ethics and integrity. Most of our daily decisions are small and insignificant, others are life changing. Big decisions are often gritty and stained with dirt and discomfort. Our best decisions are hopefully carefully thought out. Many of our decisions though are not always on the moral high road. Much like life.

I Want to Play Monster

I want to Play Monster - Neither of these images are what I interacted with....only close to

It is about 10:40 P.M. and I am in bed, very sick from something. I have been in bed, sleeping off an on for a few hours now. I am not deep asleep, neither am I awake. This may have been a Lucid Dream, I really do not know, it was that real. I hear something quietly, slowly, rhythmically thumping against the bedroom wall on the left side of the window at the foot of the bed.

The sound continues, and I know it is nothing, so I say firmly, "Stop it, I want to sleep". The sound stops. Now the bottom of the bed on the side the sound was coming from is being rhythmically pushed and released slowly. At first I think it is my imagination and I ignore it.

After the third push and release I say, "Go away, I want to sleep.", hoping this is the end of it, whatever "it" is. I hear a voice quietly say to me, "I want to play Monster". 

I can't think of any other recent dream, where my attention was so fully caught. I came out of what was a deep sleep, to sense a large something standing at the far end of the bed. It was about six feet tall, plus the horns. Black on the bottom, cream on top, with a skull like face, and what appeared to be deer antlers facing backwards.

It certainly looked capable of, "Playing Monster", ugly and scary all rolled into one. WTF!, I think. What in the world is this thing, and what am I supposed to do with or about it? "I want to play Monster", says the voice again a little more persistent.

Well the hell!, I am thinking. In the first place what are you and how am I supposed to help you play Monster? I am wide awake now, and nothing has changed. I do know one thing, I am not playing "Monster", or anything else with you.

I have an idea. Half filled with disgust, and half wondering what is going to happen, I take it by its right sleeve and say, "follow me". We both step through the bedroom wall into the back yard. 

It is tall as I mentioned, about six feet, maybe more. Built like a man but with black horses legs instead of man legs. Wide across the shoulders and a face that never really comes into focus, but looks like dried bone with movement. On top of it's head is dark fur and a rack of reversed deer horns. The look is good, but the horns are backwards and do not seem practical for what horns are normally used for.

I decide I know where I am going to take it after all. There was no thinking process per say, it just happened. Down the street to another street, then to about fifty yards from the stoplight there is a tunnel under the road. There is a bike path near the exit of the tunnel, a walking path near the entrance, and a walking/bike path above. Across the street is a square mile or so of houses. Perfect place to play Monster. I decide we are going to take a shortcut.

I tell it to follow me and start running to the fence. The "Thing" doesn't move that fast. Surprisingly I clear the fence. The "Thing" doesn't clear the top and to my surprise, it sinks into and through the brick wall fence without breaking loose any bricks.

We run as fast as it can across the street, and through the next fence, across the yard, and through the outer fence. This is much simpler than jumping I am thinking (How casual I am in the moment). We are moving like ghosts. We run down the path to the tunnel, and I stop.

"In there", I say. It looks around and then looks to where I am pointing. "I like it", it says. I explain the layout and why it is a great place to play, "Monster". It agrees and runs into the tunnel out of sight.

I run back to the bedroom much faster than I ran to the spot where I left it. I am getting ready to walk through the wall back into my bedroom when another one shows up. This one acts like a teenage boy, or at least my perception of it. "I want to play, Monster too?", and then asks me where the other is.

I am feeling really sick and tired and just want to get into bed and sleep. I tell it, "It is over there a ways, use your sense of smell and follow its scent". It huffs, then snorts, and shuffles off to join its kin. I go back to bed and fall asleep again. Nothing at all unusual going on here.

I wake up about 3:30, and I am thinking WTF!?!? Was that a dream or was that somehow real? It had to be a dream, but it was at the same time so real. The clincher for me was two things. I am not scared of, "Monsters", in any shape or form. I have never learned of anyone being hurt by one no matter how scary they may look. 

Finally, everything was so detailed, from the soft, quiet bumps on the wall of the bedroom, to the movement of the bed from being pushed and released. The detailed run down to the tunnel and back was precise. Besides running through the fence walls, it could be duplicated. Finally, the second one showing up. Where would that come from and why? Wasn't one enough?

I searched the Web, and the closest I could find was a Wendigo. They are not supposed to be around here. However these two, whatever they are, were not evil, emaciated, or hungry as far as I could understand. The first one, if it was put out that I was not terrified, did not show it in any way. The second one when it showed up, started talking as our conversation was taking place in daylight on the sidewalk, completely normal. I'm thinking Wendigo is not what they are. Close, but no cigar, as the saying goes.

 

It is now four days later as I write this, and every detail is as vivid as if it happened this morning. If there is anything unusual happening at the, "Tunnel", I haven't heard of it yet. As for the, "Things", I prefer the word, "Beings", if they are real and not in my dream, they are happy where they are, playing "Monster". If it is all the same to them, I won't feel bad if I never see them again. Not because I am afraid, but I would rather have my doubts about whether it was a dream or not.

Games and American Politics

In his 1964 book, "Games People Play", , Psychiatrist Eric Berne identified several life scripts people "play" as, "Games". This book is a fascinating read once you start reading about the actual "Games", recognizing yourself and others as playing in select games. You can read about some of them here: Games People Play 

The reason Berne called what we do, "Games", is because we play games our whole life. We learn our first games in infancy from our parents, and learn other games as we grow older. Some games are played by only one person, others need a group of like players to be successful. Think of party games (discussions) people play when they group up, each in their own part of the room.

One interesting 'Game', Berne identified is named, "If it weren't for Him". If it weren't for Him, is a Game which until [relatively] recently was played mostly by women. An encapsulated version goes like this:

Young Women who are unconsciously scared of participating in the adult world find mates who are controlling and possessive. This way people can blame everything the Woman  does not do on her Husband. The Husband will not let them do those things most Women do every day. Think work, window shopping, and coffee clutches.

From an outsiders point of view, it appears the Husband is a jealous control freak who refuses to let the oppressed Wife do anything that, "takes her away from home". In the unconscious "Oppressed" Woman's mind, the Husband, "relieves" the woman from doing anything she feels uncomfortable doing. For example working, having a social life, and so on.

Politicians have adopted, "If it weren't for Him",  as their most favorite game. No matter which party is the Dominant Party after an election, nothing changes. For example, during the eight year Republican control of the Presidency, Senate and House, nothing really changed during that eight year reign. Vis a Vis when Democrats are in almost total control, nothing much changed.

Both Political Parties claim, "If not for the Democrats/Republicans blocking our legislation, we could do great things for America. The political form of the game, "If not for him", is always in full operation. Think about this for a minute and see if you agree.

Senators and House Members each play their part to ensure the 'Other Party' does not pass any meaningful legislation - unless public opinion is overwhelmingly in favor of it. Then the Political Machine is forced to act together or risk losing their jobs.

Most of the time however, Political Party Leaders and charismatic party members stand up and basically state and restate, 'We want to pass this legislation, but the other party opposes our legislation, stonewalling us', or something to to that effect.

This favorite game mostly played by Women for thousands of years is cemented in place as a favorite  political game, "If not for the, "Other Party"". Politicians also play other variations of this game. Other variations such as, "If there was only enough money", "only enough time in the legislative session", are also political favorites across the board.