I couldn't sleep tonight, too much coffee while I was out and about today. I did one of those rare things, I went to a few poker forums to see what if anything has changed. They are about the same as they were when I was active on one of the poker forums.
One interesting header caught my attention, it was a thread about empathy and poker. The poster was going through the problem of playing poker with people who he inwardly felt sorry for because he understood or felt what they were feeling.
I resembled that remark early in my poker playing days. It was back when limit poker was king, and there was no no-limit poker to be found that an average person could afford to play.
I think I had recently made the transition to Holdem as I realized that I could make as much money winning one nice pot in Holdem as I could beating my head against the wall playing Seven Card Stud. Those were heady days.
There was a rather old couple who played the about the same time I played, and often we would be at the same table. Besides the fact they made poor decisions, they flashed their cards by holding them up in the air. They should not have been playing for money.
The preferred to sit near the middle of the table which meant at least four of the players at the table could see their cards every hand. I told them a few times what they were doing, but it had no lasting effect. I arrived at a point when I would fold my cards if I saw their hands in my sense of fair play.
Other players at the table did not share my skewed sense of ethics. While they would not lean back and look at the old couples cards, they were not above taking their money when they saw their respective hands waving in the air and knew they were ahead.
After some weeks of my high and mighty stand, the light bulb turned on. The old couple lost every time they played. They knew they were going to lose their money before they even sat down at the table. The other players at the table took their money and used it against me, betting and raising when they normally would check it down. It was not their money they were betting in the strictest sense of the word.
This was keeping my play in a defensive mode. I had my meager stacks of chips and most of the other players had their chips plus some of the old couples chips. I determined in the moment, that if the old couple wanted to play, they were playing knowing they were going to lose. Just because I did not want to take their money did not mean they were not going home broke.
In less than five minutes I changed the way I played against the old couple. I too was not craning my head to see their hands, but neither was I looking away. I had warned them several times previously, and they were aware of what they were doing.
Of course my win rate increased. On the bright side, the other players willingness to bully me also decreased for the simple reason their win rate had dropped and mine went up.
I still have some empathy and sympathy when I play though. When I know someone is playing with money they really should not be playing with, I do not feel bad taking their money because I know they would be happily taking mine if they could. I feel bad for them when the shock they feel at going broke to standing up and walking away sets in. That is usually about seven seconds.
Gambling in some ways is the last great democracy. No one forces anyone to the table, makes them buy chips, or tells them they have to play. If they did not lose their money at say, the poker table they would lose it somewhere else. Perhaps poker is the healthiest option for them about where to spend their money.
Personal decisions do not always fly the banners of ethics and integrity. Most of our daily decisions are small and insignificant, others are life changing. Big decisions are often gritty and stained with dirt and discomfort. Our best decisions are hopefully carefully thought out. Many of our decisions though are not always on the moral high road. Much like life.
