I Will Meet You When you Pass

 

This is a story that started almost fifty years ago. The ending won't be known until a future time.

I was maybe 22 years old and wild. My summertime life consisted of fishing and weekend parties with usually over fifty hours of work per week thrown in to provide balance. In winter life was not much different. I usually had one day off a week. I worked the afternoon shift and sometime Sunday mornings when someone did not show up.

It was a warm summer evening, and my friends and I decided to go to sit in a hot springs and drink some beer. Somewhere along the line, between getting off of work and the hot springs, a couple of Women decided they wanted to join us. I did not know either of them.

One of the two women took a liking to me, though I have no clue why. I was not looking for a girlfriend, and made no sign I was. I'll call her Keri. Keri had recently moved into town. She was a pleasant, easy going, very likable (I thought) young woman, though her life was a lot quieter than mine. I was curious how she fell into our group that night.

I really enjoyed Keri's company. Other than our night and day lifestyle differences we were a good fit, almost too good. Keri worked days, I worked afternoons. We had different days off. I was bent on self destruction and she was focused on having a normal, sane life and fun friends. Keri did not care to drink, which limited her party time and any extra time we may have had together.

We saw each other on and off for about six months. Keri decided it was time to go back home. All work, and no real fun was no life for her. She missed her friends and her more normal social life. We spent her last day in town together. It was one of the best days of my life back then, though I did not appreciate it how good it was in the moment. I now occasionally wish the day could have gone for a week. It wasn't meant to be.

I would think of Keri now and then over the years. Wondering how she was doing. I imagined she was happily married and had a family. I had no doubt she was a good friend, wife, and mother. She had that kind of personality. I wished her the best whenever I thought of her.

A few months ago, I found she was on my mind - a lot. Almost like a cloud of Keri was surrounding me. No matter what I was doing, thoughts of Keri would seep into my mind. Why the sudden feeling she was around me and in my thoughts?

A few days later in a dream, Keri was talking to me. Keri told me she had passed on. Keri said she had a good life and a family, and had no regrets about her life. Then came the bomb shell.

Keri told me she would be there to greet me when it was my time to pass. Then the dream was over. I woke up and this dream was the only thing on my mind. Keri would be there to meet me when I passed.

My thoughts were all over the place. Was I going to die soon and did not know it? Why would I have a dream like this? It was not an empty dream, there must be some meaning in it.

A few days later, the feeling of Keri being around me was back. Because I am a cynic, I had a plan. I told the  Keri presence, if that was not a dream, and she was who she said she was, and she would be there to meet me when I passed, I wanted some type of proof, that this was not my imagination. I wanted an irrefutable sign.

A couple days went by, and no sign it was anything but a dream and unaccounted for feelings. I was starting to think it was all my imagination. Six days later, in the evening I was reading the news on my computer. There was a small story about the town of Keri, in Keri county. It seems a small brush fire was started right outside of town, about ten to fifteen acres were burned before it went out, or was put out. The article did not mention how it started or why it went out.

There I was sitting wondering if this was the proof I asked for, or some wild billion to one coincidence? What are the odds of a town and county named Keri making the news for such a small event, and that I would be reading about it?

Unlike older ill people I have spoken with in the past, who said they dreamed dead relatives were coming to get them, I do not feel this was some ominous warning. Perhaps it is what it is, and this women who I knew for such a short time for whatever reason wants me to know that when it is my time, I won't be alone, and Keri will be there to meet me.

Or perhaps it is entirely a coincidence? I am really undecided, and I am guessing I won't know, until I know. In the mean time I feel comfort by the thought. You will have to decide the ending as I won't be able to provide the ending.

Late Morning Funeral

I attended the funeral of a forty-two year old man. I met him first when he was about ten, on a camping trip. I saw him a few times since then, mostly in random encounters. He died a senseless meaningless death. Someone took his life from him, though it is possible he encouraged his death via his life style.

The eulogy, if eulogy is the correct word, started with pictures of a happy-go-lucky kid. It ended with a series of posed pictures that would not be shared too far away from immediate family. It was mentioned he remained happy-go-lucky throughout his life.

With the funeral in progress I gazed at what represented him now. He was inside a small pearl white box with two rosaries draped over it. On top was a black baseball cap. I do not remember the patch on it, but knew from his last pictures it was his current favorite hat. In the first rows sat immediate family members who now have him in only in their hearts. Others sat behind, relatives, friends, friends of the family.

What a senseless death it was. Preceded by what to me was a mostly invisible adult life. There was not much said in the eulogy that seemed unexpected, nor mention of what type of person he was. There was a brief mention of his having children, but little about any family life. Listening to the words of the eulogy, he seemed to have lived in a semi-vacuum. It added to my sense of loss, this man gone in the middle of his life, with so little said at the end about what he had done with his life.

I had a brief few moments speaking with one of his siblings later in the day. I wanted to express my anger and frustration over his meaningless death. I said how badly I felt for his family, now left behind, his brothers and sisters. The Sibling's response was one of the most profound comments I have ever heard.

"He lived the life he wanted to live". I immediately understood the volumes of unsaid life details and feelings which were wrapped into those few words that were not included in the eulogy. It was not important that I knew little about his adult life. It did not matter there was nothing said of what he had done with his life up to that moment.

He lived his life as wanted to. His end was apparently no surprise, possibly not even to him. It seems the happy, fun loving ten year old boy, grew up, took what life offered, and went on from there. In eight little words, I understood it did not matter what I did not know more about his life. We were not there to listen to or pass judgement on how he lived his life. We attended his funeral to validate him, nothing more, nothing less.

Life is mostly about luck. You are lucky at the right moments or you are not. Maybe he was lucky to have lived so long? Maybe he made his own version of lemonade with the lemons life gave him. I will never know. I don't need to know. I do know, no matter what he did or what people who knew him, thought about him, "he lived the life he wanted to live". I find it difficult to say there is a better way to live.

What peace there is now, to know that no matter how much I wish someone would change this or that in their life to better suit how I think they should live their life, they are indeed living the live they wish to live. I will keep this thought with me for the rest of my days. The most profound and liberating comment on life, I have heard yet.

"He lived the life he wanted to live."