I Will Meet You When you Pass

 

This is a story that started almost fifty years ago. The ending won't be known until a future time.

I was maybe 22 years old and wild. My summertime life consisted of fishing and weekend parties with usually over fifty hours of work per week thrown in to provide balance. In winter life was not much different. I usually had one day off a week. I worked the afternoon shift and sometime Sunday mornings when someone did not show up.

It was a warm summer evening, and my friends and I decided to go to sit in a hot springs and drink some beer. Somewhere along the line, between getting off of work and the hot springs, a couple of Women decided they wanted to join us. I did not know either of them.

One of the two women took a liking to me, though I have no clue why. I was not looking for a girlfriend, and made no sign I was. I'll call her Keri. Keri had recently moved into town. She was a pleasant, easy going, very likable (I thought) young woman, though her life was a lot quieter than mine. I was curious how she fell into our group that night.

I really enjoyed Keri's company. Other than our night and day lifestyle differences we were a good fit, almost too good. Keri worked days, I worked afternoons. We had different days off. I was bent on self destruction and she was focused on having a normal, sane life and fun friends. Keri did not care to drink, which limited her party time and any extra time we may have had together.

We saw each other on and off for about six months. Keri decided it was time to go back home. All work, and no real fun was no life for her. She missed her friends and her more normal social life. We spent her last day in town together. It was one of the best days of my life back then, though I did not appreciate it how good it was in the moment. I now occasionally wish the day could have gone for a week. It wasn't meant to be.

I would think of Keri now and then over the years. Wondering how she was doing. I imagined she was happily married and had a family. I had no doubt she was a good friend, wife, and mother. She had that kind of personality. I wished her the best whenever I thought of her.

A few months ago, I found she was on my mind - a lot. Almost like a cloud of Keri was surrounding me. No matter what I was doing, thoughts of Keri would seep into my mind. Why the sudden feeling she was around me and in my thoughts?

A few days later in a dream, Keri was talking to me. Keri told me she had passed on. Keri said she had a good life and a family, and had no regrets about her life. Then came the bomb shell.

Keri told me she would be there to greet me when it was my time to pass. Then the dream was over. I woke up and this dream was the only thing on my mind. Keri would be there to meet me when I passed.

My thoughts were all over the place. Was I going to die soon and did not know it? Why would I have a dream like this? It was not an empty dream, there must be some meaning in it.

A few days later, the feeling of Keri being around me was back. Because I am a cynic, I had a plan. I told the  Keri presence, if that was not a dream, and she was who she said she was, and she would be there to meet me when I passed, I wanted some type of proof, that this was not my imagination. I wanted an irrefutable sign.

A couple days went by, and no sign it was anything but a dream and unaccounted for feelings. I was starting to think it was all my imagination. Six days later, in the evening I was reading the news on my computer. There was a small story about the town of Keri, in Keri county. It seems a small brush fire was started right outside of town, about ten to fifteen acres were burned before it went out, or was put out. The article did not mention how it started or why it went out.

There I was sitting wondering if this was the proof I asked for, or some wild billion to one coincidence? What are the odds of a town and county named Keri making the news for such a small event, and that I would be reading about it?

Unlike older ill people I have spoken with in the past, who said they dreamed dead relatives were coming to get them, I do not feel this was some ominous warning. Perhaps it is what it is, and this women who I knew for such a short time for whatever reason wants me to know that when it is my time, I won't be alone, and Keri will be there to meet me.

Or perhaps it is entirely a coincidence? I am really undecided, and I am guessing I won't know, until I know. In the mean time I feel comfort by the thought. You will have to decide the ending as I won't be able to provide the ending.

Surreal Choice, Real Life Decision

I was five years old, going down the stairs, then out the door to meet my friends when she appeared. If I had known the word, I would have called her an apparition or illusion. How can a very tall woman, stand in the door, above the door and in the wall, and make it look normal?

I immediately knew who she was, yet I did not know who she was. She was dressed in a brown pants suit with thin, vertical, darker brown stripes and a brown hat. She had brown hair and kind of a housewife appearance, though I knew she was not a housewife. She was not someone to trifle with, if for no other reason than her sudden appearance scaring the heck out of me. To this day I do not remember her eye color or if she wore nail polish or not. She did have a purse of brown leather and brown shoes.

Her voice was stern. "Well", she said, "are you going to do it or not?" As I did not have a thought in my head other than finding some friends outside to play with, it was not obvious to my child’s mind what her question meant. I did know by the tone of her voice, that this was a very serious question and my answer should be carefully thought over.

She repeated, "Are you going to do it?" It was the most awkward thing, trying to come up with an answer when there is only fog surrounding the question and a blank for an answer. I found myself thinking back to an earlier time, before I was here, before I was born.

I was an adult somewhere standing around with a few other people,  talking about what was next for all of us. I declared I was going to create a technology that would change the world in unimaginable ways. It would be the greatest gift for mankind ever known. Someone asked if I was sure. Of course I am sure. Now, I am here in this world, a child being asked if I am sure?

I was barely enough to know that two and two equals four, and here I was being asked a question I didn't really understand. It wasn't even a thought until this moment when she asked her question. Me standing on the third stair from the floor, my descent blocked by this woman who simply appeared and blocked the way.

I knew I had to give her an answer and what ever answer I gave her was binding. In this moment I had a choice. After my answer, there would no longer be a choice. It took no more than a few seconds, but took decision making to a level that was beyond abstract for a child's mind, to put it simply.

"No", I said, "I am not going to do it."

I arrived at this answer by thinking of everything I knew about modern technology and what we (mankind) has done with it. Everything firstly had been used for the destruction of other Humans in one way or another. I was not going to be part of a perpetual world killing machine.

She stared down at me, and asked if I was sure. "No, I am not going to do it." "Very well, your life plan is erased." In an instant she was gone.

More than six decades later, I can still visualize the scene. This giant Woman standing where it was impossible to stand. Blocking my exit and demanding an answer to a question that had no meaning until that moment, when a before being born memory came flooding in from a place I could not remember being at, talking about something I did not until that moment remember.

My decision on that spring morning changed my life in ways lives are rarely changed. My life path was erased. My only direction my life was the direction I applied it to each day. It was akin to a sail boat with no rudder. I listened to other kids tell me what they were going to be when they grew up. I felt as if I only had two vague choices for my life, do good or do something else.

Now I am still at peace with my decision. I could not have lived with the guilt and horror I may have brought to this world, and the people that would have died as a result of my trying to do improve the world.

Surreal as it seems, this was an event that fashioned my life in ways I never could have imagined. I have the freedom to follow whatever life direction, randomness and chance send my way. Mine has been a difficult, frustrating yet liberating life. Made possible, by an event that perhaps did not exist.

I Want to Play Monster

I want to Play Monster - Neither of these images are what I interacted with....only close to

It is about 10:40 P.M. and I am in bed, very sick from something. I have been in bed, sleeping off an on for a few hours now. I am not deep asleep, neither am I awake. This may have been a Lucid Dream, I really do not know, it was that real. I hear something quietly, slowly, rhythmically thumping against the bedroom wall on the left side of the window at the foot of the bed.

The sound continues, and I know it is nothing, so I say firmly, "Stop it, I want to sleep". The sound stops. Now the bottom of the bed on the side the sound was coming from is being rhythmically pushed and released slowly. At first I think it is my imagination and I ignore it.

After the third push and release I say, "Go away, I want to sleep.", hoping this is the end of it, whatever "it" is. I hear a voice quietly say to me, "I want to play Monster". 

I can't think of any other recent dream, where my attention was so fully caught. I came out of what was a deep sleep, to sense a large something standing at the far end of the bed. It was about six feet tall, plus the horns. Black on the bottom, cream on top, with a skull like face, and what appeared to be deer antlers facing backwards.

It certainly looked capable of, "Playing Monster", ugly and scary all rolled into one. WTF!, I think. What in the world is this thing, and what am I supposed to do with or about it? "I want to play Monster", says the voice again a little more persistent.

Well the hell!, I am thinking. In the first place what are you and how am I supposed to help you play Monster? I am wide awake now, and nothing has changed. I do know one thing, I am not playing "Monster", or anything else with you.

I have an idea. Half filled with disgust, and half wondering what is going to happen, I take it by its right sleeve and say, "follow me". We both step through the bedroom wall into the back yard. 

It is tall as I mentioned, about six feet, maybe more. Built like a man but with black horses legs instead of man legs. Wide across the shoulders and a face that never really comes into focus, but looks like dried bone with movement. On top of it's head is dark fur and a rack of reversed deer horns. The look is good, but the horns are backwards and do not seem practical for what horns are normally used for.

I decide I know where I am going to take it after all. There was no thinking process per say, it just happened. Down the street to another street, then to about fifty yards from the stoplight there is a tunnel under the road. There is a bike path near the exit of the tunnel, a walking path near the entrance, and a walking/bike path above. Across the street is a square mile or so of houses. Perfect place to play Monster. I decide we are going to take a shortcut.

I tell it to follow me and start running to the fence. The "Thing" doesn't move that fast. Surprisingly I clear the fence. The "Thing" doesn't clear the top and to my surprise, it sinks into and through the brick wall fence without breaking loose any bricks.

We run as fast as it can across the street, and through the next fence, across the yard, and through the outer fence. This is much simpler than jumping I am thinking (How casual I am in the moment). We are moving like ghosts. We run down the path to the tunnel, and I stop.

"In there", I say. It looks around and then looks to where I am pointing. "I like it", it says. I explain the layout and why it is a great place to play, "Monster". It agrees and runs into the tunnel out of sight.

I run back to the bedroom much faster than I ran to the spot where I left it. I am getting ready to walk through the wall back into my bedroom when another one shows up. This one acts like a teenage boy, or at least my perception of it. "I want to play, Monster too?", and then asks me where the other is.

I am feeling really sick and tired and just want to get into bed and sleep. I tell it, "It is over there a ways, use your sense of smell and follow its scent". It huffs, then snorts, and shuffles off to join its kin. I go back to bed and fall asleep again. Nothing at all unusual going on here.

I wake up about 3:30, and I am thinking WTF!?!? Was that a dream or was that somehow real? It had to be a dream, but it was at the same time so real. The clincher for me was two things. I am not scared of, "Monsters", in any shape or form. I have never learned of anyone being hurt by one no matter how scary they may look. 

Finally, everything was so detailed, from the soft, quiet bumps on the wall of the bedroom, to the movement of the bed from being pushed and released. The detailed run down to the tunnel and back was precise. Besides running through the fence walls, it could be duplicated. Finally, the second one showing up. Where would that come from and why? Wasn't one enough?

I searched the Web, and the closest I could find was a Wendigo. They are not supposed to be around here. However these two, whatever they are, were not evil, emaciated, or hungry as far as I could understand. The first one, if it was put out that I was not terrified, did not show it in any way. The second one when it showed up, started talking as our conversation was taking place in daylight on the sidewalk, completely normal. I'm thinking Wendigo is not what they are. Close, but no cigar, as the saying goes.

 

It is now four days later as I write this, and every detail is as vivid as if it happened this morning. If there is anything unusual happening at the, "Tunnel", I haven't heard of it yet. As for the, "Things", I prefer the word, "Beings", if they are real and not in my dream, they are happy where they are, playing "Monster". If it is all the same to them, I won't feel bad if I never see them again. Not because I am afraid, but I would rather have my doubts about whether it was a dream or not.

Life Dreams to Life Reality

We are "Captains" of our own ship. When we are children we start to visualize leaving the safety of the harbor and moving out to sea to unknown destinations. As we grow, our dream of moving out into the world becomes more defined. We start to define our life.

We learn the basic skills we need to learn to get through our early years and teen years. We want to be a Fireman, Policeman, Doctor, Lawyer, Mom or Dad. We want to go to college, be in a band, and live on Mars. We are going to get married, adventure, live in the woods alone. We contemplate many future lives.

Our world does not immediately start to change every time we change our mind. When we are young and in school, this is okay. Being young and in school is the time of life when we are supposed to be trying new things and exploring new dreams. When we hit our late teens to twenties, things become more serious. We start to distill our dreams into our life.

Current life choices and decisions sometimes get in the way of what we think we want. What your parents have done with their life may be the first big obstacle to overcome. We start to align our dreams to our future life goals.

Being part of a circus and being an Internet star at the same time are extreme contrasts. These both may be achievable, but each takes its own energy and planning to be successful. One of these dreams may need to defer to the other. Dream and life disparity creates muddled results.

We often modify our expectations as we grow. Our dreams start converging with our life path. Going to and graduating from college to found our own business is an goal of converging dreams. Changing what we want sometimes leads to confusion and frustration. We are focusing on and clarifying our future life.

You decide to go to college. When you enter college, you are required to take almost two years of basic classes whether you have an interest in those subjects or not. The reason for this is two fold. First, you are exposed to different areas of areas of life. Psychology, Biology, Math, English and Foreign Language are all part of life. You gain a broader view of your future possibilities.

One day you wake up to an epiphany. You want to become the owner of a non-profit. The world of capitalism, you decide is not for you. You have found a more important direction for your life. But college is all about capitalism. That is how college is built. You are now in a dream/life conflict.

You are going to find some speed bumps in your road, and you may be detoured from your dreams for a time. Your world starts making the changes you want to help make your dreams happen. Your classes are now a two edged sword. How do you take what you are learning, apply it to what you want, and make it work? Do all parts of your dream future fit together cohesively?

When it comes to your dreams, there are a couple of key truths. The longer you hold onto your biggest dream, and apply yourself to it, the more your world changes to make it happen. You cannot expect your world to stop and change course every time you change your mind. What has been done to create your present life will run its course. Be ready for bumps in the road while you focus on making your newest dreams align with your life.

Depending on how focused you are and how you apply yourself, change may be quick. Immediate drastic change will force you to make hard decisions. Align your dreams, follow your goals and you will get there. You can make your dreams reality, if you stay focused and help to make them happen.